the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
