You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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