Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
