Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
