He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
