You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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