Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he high fived his dick after we had sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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