I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
