Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
