Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
