I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
