No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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