We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
