the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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