I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
