I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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