wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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