So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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