Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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