she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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