I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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