your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
