Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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