I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
