This girl is more easily done than said...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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