Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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