threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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