I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
