when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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