i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
