take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
