he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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