I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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