Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
