I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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