Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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