therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
