I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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