when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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