I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
