Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
