Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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