How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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