One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
