I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
