This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
