people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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