when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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