just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
