My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
