My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
