Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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