Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
