i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
