people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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