well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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