The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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