I'm so fucking centered right now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize