dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
