I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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