Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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