Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
