The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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